Greetings PAACH homeschooling families. I hope your family is doing well as you seek to honor Christ in your home every day. I have been dwelling a lot on my theology of the family, especially God’s design for and sovereignty over the family. Much of this has come from reviewing struggles in my family and church over the past decade or more. I have noticed that it seems like too many Christians just do not have a good understanding of God’s design for the family or how involved God is in every aspect of the family. I want to make a few observational statements that I hope will challenge you to trust God more, not only in your family, but in the other families in your church.

Let Me Start with This

God has specifically chosen every detail of your family. He has given you the exact children He wants you to raise at the exact right time. Whether through natural birth or adoption, every child that God gives you has been “formed and knit together” with you in mind to parent and disciple him or her. (Ps 139:13-16) This same passage also says that God has written and planned out every one of their days. Another passage confirms that every person’s “steps are ordered of God.” (Ps 37:23) Paul tells us that God knows every one of us from before the beginning of the world. (Eph 1:4)

Here is my challenge

1. Do you lead your family in a way that shows you believe this?
2. Do your interactions with other families reflect this belief?

Your Family

Scripture is clear that you are responsible to disciple your own children to know the Lord. (Deut 6:4-9) Scripture is also clear that you cannot save your children, but only point them towards God. Rather, it is God who saves them through the work of the Holy Spirit who opens the eyes of those he has chosen and leads them to Jesus’ work on the cross. As a parent, you have the opportunity and privilege to walk alongside them on their journey. You get to cheer them on when they succeed and pick them up when they fail. The relationship you build with them as they grow up does influence how much they will trust you to continue to guide and walk alongside them as an adult. It does not guarantee that they will walk a straight path or even a path that leads to salvation. What you can do is pray for them, teach the Bible, point them towards God, and love them with grace and mercy no matter what.

Other Families

I have had the opportunity to come alongside someone else’s child to walk them back into the arms of his parents after he had walked away and made a mess of his relationships. I have also experienced other well-intentioned believers being too quick to believe the lies of a child walking in rebellion and to give very bad, unbiblical advice to that child. These poor advisers, instead of obeying scripture, end up both sinning themselves as well as steering that child deeper into sin. So, how should you respond when a child of a Christian family comes to you complaining about their mom’s or dad’s parenting? If your first thought is to agree with them or point them anywhere other than back to their parents, think again. You really ought to dig a little deeper to find out the child’s motives. Often a child is looking to be justified in their disobedience and far too often they find it. If you think there could be something to the child’s complaint, then scripture is clear that we are to bring accountability directly to a person in private first. The intent of going to that parent yourself may be to help them see a blind spot or even find repentance for a bad choice. It should never be to play “gotcha” or assume guilt and crucify that person. This requires courage, humility, often a bit of tact, and likely preparation in prayer. Our goal in the lives of other Christian families should be to bring scripture to their situation that will edify, encourage, or even bring correction. (2 Tim 3:16) It is biblical for experienced parents to help teach and train new or less experienced parents. (Titus 2) Remember, God has given that child specifically to those parents…on purpose. He does not make mistakes putting a child with parents who are “too strict.” It could be that child needs precisely the kind of parenting they are getting.

I hope these thoughts will challenge you to think through what you believe and grow in your family as you walk out your relationship with Jesus Christ. Please remember to be quick to listen and slow to speak. (James 1:19) Be slow to make assumptions or quick judgements based on hearsay. You want God to use you to encourage and build up the family. He may even use you to restore a family. Be careful not to get caught up and sow into the destruction of a family.

The PAACH board desires to help and support you throughout your homeschooling journey. We also desire to help you disciple your children by providing encouragement, wisdom, and resources that will enable you to be Godly parents who lead your children towards Christ. We pray that your family learns together, grows together with others in community, and glorifies Christ in everything you do.

James Cox
PAACH President